Sometimes I miss myself.
I got to thinking the other day (surprisingly enough, no smoke came out of my ears or anything) I'm not the person I used to be. It's hard to explain. It has mostly to do with being in a long term committed relationship with someone. Whenever you combine lives with another person whether it be a roommate or a loved one, there is always some part of you that you give up or sacrifice to be with that individual. It could be something as simple as going to the bathroom with the door open or as complex as attempting to change a personality flaw because you love them and want to make them happy. Who would've thought Newton's third law of motion applies to marriage too?
Although I don't feel much different than I did twelve years ago when I met L, I most certainly have changed. Every once in a while I wonder who I would be if I was on my own. Would I be the person I once was or would I be someone I haven't met yet? I would have to guess that it would be the latter because you can't spend that much of your life with someone and expect them not to have impacted you dramatically. Sometimes I wish I could take a brake from my current life and try to go it on my own for a while because I think I miss who I used to be. I believe that I was a more social person at some point whereas I'm more of a homebody now. I'm thinking I need some serious Glenn time. I want to go on a short journey (maybe a few days or even a week) on my own and see who shows up. It would have to be a complete loner thing. No one I really know. No friends. No relatives. Just me. Who would show up? Will it be the Glenn we currently know and love or...someone else? It's a fascinating prospect.
Although I don't feel much different than I did twelve years ago when I met L, I most certainly have changed. Every once in a while I wonder who I would be if I was on my own. Would I be the person I once was or would I be someone I haven't met yet? I would have to guess that it would be the latter because you can't spend that much of your life with someone and expect them not to have impacted you dramatically. Sometimes I wish I could take a brake from my current life and try to go it on my own for a while because I think I miss who I used to be. I believe that I was a more social person at some point whereas I'm more of a homebody now. I'm thinking I need some serious Glenn time. I want to go on a short journey (maybe a few days or even a week) on my own and see who shows up. It would have to be a complete loner thing. No one I really know. No friends. No relatives. Just me. Who would show up? Will it be the Glenn we currently know and love or...someone else? It's a fascinating prospect.
Labels: relationships
posted by Glenn at 12:48 AM
6 Comments:
Odd, I get the same feeling sometimes, but then it passes. I used to hike the White Mountains in winter, just for the solitude and silence, but now I think I'd just miss the Wife and the grandkid.
If only I could get them to come along, but that would be counterproductive tothe silence and solitude.
Grrrrr.
Do you hope to have some kind of break through, or insight? Do you want to examine your present life at a distance? Are you restless, or what?
i think everyone needs some amount of alone time. be that a few hours, or a week, or more. i'm sure L would be happy to let you take some time off for yourself.
While traveling with a friend or a lover is great, I'm a huge fan of traveling solo. The solitude gives you time to reflect and react in ways you wouldn't if you had a companion. I think you get closer to the essence of you when you're traveling alone. And the possibilities for new encounters and crazy detours seem more ripe when you're alone. It forces you to be outgoing. And people seem to respond more quickly to the lone rambler than the couple or group of travelers. That's how it's worked for me, anyway.
I know what you mean. My mom used to tell me that when I got married I should always keep a part of myself for myself. And now I do.
I think you shouldn't be the same as twelve years ago. That's just growing and growth is always a good thing.
But alone time never hurts either!
it is interesting to think about. you mention that you are more of a homebody now, but is that also partly due to getting older?
as a sidenote to a comment...
i think it's easier (and safer) for men to travel alone. i don't find it easier to be outgoing or adventurous alone.
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