A smile is worth a million words.

Hate is a strong word. In my thirty three years of existence I've never really hated anyone in my life. Sure there were the times my mom denied me the opportunity to do things when I was young and I told her I hated her like every other little kid on the planet but I never really hated anyone until a couple years back. I know I hate him because I still have contempt for him even after two years. I still bump into this person every now and then and I instantly go into a fight or flight response. I never say what is on my mind when I see him, which if you've read any of this blog, takes a great feat of composure for me. It was malicious and evil of him to do what he did. It's not so much the act of trying to ruin my career but the manner in which he did it. In truth he thought, and still probably does, that he was just doing his job. I understand this but it doesn't make me hate him any less. The sad thing is that, as far as I know, I never did anything or said anything to upset him. He pretty much decided that he didn't like me and made it known through his actions.

I've learned a great deal from this experience and for that I'm grateful. One lesson that I've taken is I will never get over major issues until there a confrontation in some form or another. No, I don't want to harm him in any way. I do, however, want to get my feelings out in the open because I believe that he has no clue how much hatred I have for him and what he did. Second, I've said it before and I'll say it again...Stand up for what you believe in. It hurts more to bottle it up. I'm not saying to go postal or anything like that but getting your words out is very therapeutic. Don't tell a shrink or a sympathetic ear but the one who needs to hear it most. And the most important of lessons taken from this is I look mean when I don't smile. A smile is the only immediately recognizable facial expression. All others and be misinterpreted but a smile is unmistakable. I stopped at a quickie mart the other day to get a pack of smokes or something. As I walked up to the door I saw my reflection in the window. Wholly shit I looked like an evil bastard. Hell, even I was scared of me. Unfortunately we are all subject to peoples preconceived notions of who we are based on visual impressions. The only way to mitigate this is to come across more friendly. So every time I see him from now on I'll clench my teeth together and smile.