The crapper is going down the crapper.

I was thinking about my last post and now I'm starting to wonder if I have some sort of public restroom mental trauma. It seems that a bunch of crap about them gets to me. These things only apply to public bathrooms.

Some "issues" I seem to have...

-I have trouble just walking into a public restroom. I always study the sign on the door as I enter. I think this stems from being a little kid in grade school and wandering into the girls bathroom one time. I was teased mercilessly by my peers about it for the entire day. Now I have a complex about wandering into the wrong restroom. As a matter of fact, I never relax about this problem until I see the urinals after walk in. Lord help me if the signs on the doors are ambiguous. I was at a steak house one time and the doors had no letters. Just pictures. They were of bovine heads. One had horns on it the other did not. I thought to myself "Cows can have horns too. Can't they?" Just walking into a restroom can make me question reality I guess.

-I must flush a urinal or toilet before I use it.

-If I am standing at a long line of empty urinals, I get pissed when someone uses the one right next me. This is akin to standing in someone's personal space in the middle of an empty room. It's not necessary and makes me uncomfortable.

-When standing at the urinal, my eyes remain forward at all times. I pick a spot on the wall and lock on to it until I'm done. This is mostly just self preservation. I don't want my ass kicked by some homophobic prick who thinks I was checking out his package.

-I already covered my toilet seat issue.

-Giant rolls of the thinnest paper known to man kind. Try to pull some out and you only get what is trapped between your thumb and index finger.

-Stall doors that have no locks on them.

-Why must assholes wipe their boogers on the fucking wall? For crying out loud, there is paper for you to blow your nose within arms reach.

-First it was hand dryers. A paper towel, while not as environmentally friendly, is cleaner and faster. Dryers create a bottle neck to dry your hands in a busy restroom. I feel that my life is wasting away as I dry my hands. The fucking things never get your hands dry on the first cycle. Second was the sinks with the push button faucet. You jam the button down and have no control over the temperature or how long it will stay on. Most of the time I end up holding the button down with one hand while the other is under the water because the damn things don't work at all. Now they have sensors on everything. The toilets, urinals, sinks and towel dispensers all have these useless things on them. Gone are the days of the courtesy flush. Now I have to find the damn sweet spot under the sink to get the water running and after I start rubbing my hands together the damn thing shuts off. The towel machines are just as retarded. I feel like a pathetic Jedi waving my hand in front of the sensor to no avail.

Am I just crazy or does it seem like "The Man" is taking control of my sanitary life? Did I leave something out? Comment below.