Gump-alyzed
I wish I could say that I was one of those "glass half full" kind of people. But I'm not. I haven't figured out exactly where I stand yet (which is funny considering my thoughts as I write this). I'm either a pessimist or a realist. I really want to be a realist and I'm hoping that is what I am.
I'm 35 this year and it's floated into my head that my life is, most likely, half over. I often tell L that I'll be lucky to make it past 60. I never met either of my grandfathers they were both gone before I hatched. My dad has had 1.75 heart attacks. My mom died of cancer. When grandma died, she had no clue who her middle daughter was. I drink coffee like it's water, smoke a pack a day, and eat bunches spicy fattening food. I'm the poster child for a heart attack that's waiting to happen. Given the above mentioned medical facts about my family, keeling over from "the big one" is my preferred method of departure.
But this post isn't about my family medical history. It's about what is going to happen next and why. When I look at my life as half over, I see two things from where I stand. It's like standing mid way on a suspension bridge. First, looking backwards from where I came from, I see a life of floating around, Forrest Gump style, and going where the wind takes me. Second, Looking forward, I've decided to take a more active roll in steering my own path. Sadly the things I want to accomplish at this moment all seem superficial and strangely pointless when you think of it from a "what did he do with his life" perspective which is semi paralyzing and puts me right back on the Forrest Gump path. I guess I'm at one of those quintessential "What are you going to do with your life?" moments. I would like to believe that I can change the world for the better but, like I said, I'm a realist.
I think I'm going to focus on personal satisfaction for now. This includes three goals as of this moment (yea here I go with the goals again). First, I want to finish building my other car by September 1st. Second, I want to get in shape again. I miss not being afraid to take off my shirt and I've developed a severe redneck tan as a result. This terrifies me because I associate that this the country bumpkins that I can't stand here in GA and is unacceptable. Third, I need to improve my work situation. I don't want to just flounder here at this crappy dead end job for the rest of my life. If I must work to live, it just has to be more fulfilling than my current job or at least make me busy enough to not look at the clock every ten minutes.
Even if I just start taking a more proactive roll in where my life is headed and what I'm doing I think I'll be a more content individual. No more floating on the breeze like a feather because I only have 35 more years or so to get it all done...if I'm lucky.
I'm 35 this year and it's floated into my head that my life is, most likely, half over. I often tell L that I'll be lucky to make it past 60. I never met either of my grandfathers they were both gone before I hatched. My dad has had 1.75 heart attacks. My mom died of cancer. When grandma died, she had no clue who her middle daughter was. I drink coffee like it's water, smoke a pack a day, and eat bunches spicy fattening food. I'm the poster child for a heart attack that's waiting to happen. Given the above mentioned medical facts about my family, keeling over from "the big one" is my preferred method of departure.
But this post isn't about my family medical history. It's about what is going to happen next and why. When I look at my life as half over, I see two things from where I stand. It's like standing mid way on a suspension bridge. First, looking backwards from where I came from, I see a life of floating around, Forrest Gump style, and going where the wind takes me. Second, Looking forward, I've decided to take a more active roll in steering my own path. Sadly the things I want to accomplish at this moment all seem superficial and strangely pointless when you think of it from a "what did he do with his life" perspective which is semi paralyzing and puts me right back on the Forrest Gump path. I guess I'm at one of those quintessential "What are you going to do with your life?" moments. I would like to believe that I can change the world for the better but, like I said, I'm a realist.
I think I'm going to focus on personal satisfaction for now. This includes three goals as of this moment (yea here I go with the goals again). First, I want to finish building my other car by September 1st. Second, I want to get in shape again. I miss not being afraid to take off my shirt and I've developed a severe redneck tan as a result. This terrifies me because I associate that this the country bumpkins that I can't stand here in GA and is unacceptable. Third, I need to improve my work situation. I don't want to just flounder here at this crappy dead end job for the rest of my life. If I must work to live, it just has to be more fulfilling than my current job or at least make me busy enough to not look at the clock every ten minutes.
Even if I just start taking a more proactive roll in where my life is headed and what I'm doing I think I'll be a more content individual. No more floating on the breeze like a feather because I only have 35 more years or so to get it all done...if I'm lucky.
posted by Glenn at 8:13 AM
6 comments
